Voice of Life (The Spoken Mage Book 4) Page 10

  “I can certainly promise not to seek them out.”

  “I can ask no more,” he said before dismissing me. As I left the room, I could hear him muttering to himself that the Academy would be a quieter place next year.

  He had said the Academy had changed because of me. I didn’t know if that was true, but I knew I had changed unrecognizably because of it. Leaving was hard to imagine.

  I hurried down the corridor lost in my thoughts, hoping that I could still make it into the dining hall in time to eat. When I crossed the entrance hall, all signs of the attack on Coralie had disappeared. Was she eating already or with Acacia in the healing rooms?

  I took another two hurried steps before pulling up short. Lucas, leaving the dining hall alone, also stopped. I moved, and he moved, and suddenly we were standing much too close. A smile played around his eyes as they roved over my face.

  “We make a good team,” he said.

  “The delegation is gone, I suppose?”

  He stiffened and moved the tiniest fraction away from me. “They have returned to the palace.”

  I bit my lip. I’d said the wrong thing.

  His eyes followed my action, lingering on my lips, and I gulped. He swayed toward me, stopping himself a mere breath away.

  “How am I going to escape this marriage, Elena? We are foolish dreamers both to think we have any hope.”

  “But what would we do without hope?” I whispered, my insides contracting at the pain on his face.

  “Grow up.” His voice sounded hard, and I flinched, although I knew he meant the words for himself.

  His face softened slightly, and he lifted a hand to my face, cupping my cheek with his palm. “You deserve more than any of this.”

  The chatter of trainees sounded behind us, and we sprang apart. I looked toward them, my face warm, and when I looked back, he was already half way toward the stairs. I watched him go, sadness welling inside me although I refused to let any tears fall.

  Lucas said he needed to grow up. But that suggested he was a child, and I wasn’t sure Lucas had ever had the luxury of being young.

  Midwinter approached, somehow only my second one in Corrin. Like last time, my year mates and I all received gold-embossed invitations to a royal ball at the palace. Only this year it wasn’t to be like their usual Royal Midwinter Celebration. Those were usually more intimate affairs, held in honor of Lucas and his birthday.

  But this year we had an unprecedented delegation present, and the royals were hosting a huge gala. They hadn’t quite invited every mage in Ardann—as they did at Midsummer—but every member of the great families had been invited. And every one of Lucas’s year mates.

  “They couldn’t leave us off the list since they’ll still be celebrating Lucas’s birthday,” Coralie said, smiling down at her invitation.

  “I’m sure they would have liked to leave me off.” I struggled to keep my voice light. Memories of last Midwinter kept trying to intrude, and a royal ball was the last place I felt like going.

  “Not even royals can do whatever they please,” said Finnian. “You’re the prince’s year mate, the Spoken Mage, a Devoras, and General Griffith’s daughter. There was no scenario where you were being left off the list.”

  Coralie glared at him. “Elena is more than aware that royals are not free to do as they please,” she whispered. “Remember!”

  I turned away quickly, pretending I hadn’t caught her words. She was trying to be kind, but hearing it aloud only made the sting worse. Some things couldn’t be softened.

  On the following rest day after the invitations arrived, a pounding on my door roused me from sleep far too early. Groaning, I staggered through to the outer door of my suite and pulled it open, already grumbling.

  My words cut off mid-stream when I saw who had woken me. I blinked several times, but the figure of Natalya didn’t disappear.

  “Hurry up and get dressed,” she said. “We have shopping to do.”

  I raised both eyebrows, and she sighed.

  “Somehow you’ve managed to look vaguely respectable for the last three Midwinters, but you’re a Devoras now, and we don’t leave things to chance. And since Mother is gone now, that means the responsibility falls to me.”

  I had never heard Natalya mention her deceased mother, and even the general had made no mention of her during our adoption discussions.

  She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t look pityingly at me. Mother wasn’t exactly the maternal type, you know. She never came into Corrin, and we always spent at least half the year here, so it’s not exactly strange for us to be without her. And I’m fairly sure half the estate breathed a sigh of relief when she passed.”

  “I—” I couldn’t actually think of anything to say, but Natalya just rolled her eyes, brushing past the awkward moment.

  “You’re family now, remember? No secrets.” But she bent an accusing eye on me, as if she knew I still harbored some of my own.

  “So…we’re going shopping…now?” I asked. “Can’t it wait?”

  She gave me a disparaging look.

  “The seamstress will need time to actually sew the dress, remember.” Her expression made it clear she felt the seamstress would have a difficult task in making me look presentable.

  I took a deep breath and reminded myself this was Natalya. Her low opinion could hardly hurt me at this point.

  “If we’re going shopping, I’m bringing Clemmy.” If I had to spend time with my Devoras sister, I wanted the sister I actually liked there as well. Clemmy would love helping me pick a dress.

  “Clemmy?” She frowned at me. “Oh, that’s right. Your real sister. Bring whoever you like, just don’t be late. I’ll meet you in the shopping district in an hour.”

  She didn’t wait for my acknowledgment, turning on her heel and disappearing toward her own suite.

  Reluctantly I threw on some clothes and hurried toward my family’s new apartment. Clemmy greeted me with great delight, and my mother plied me with breakfast while I tried to herd my sister out the door.

  “We’re going to be late,” I said, grabbing a roll from my mother’s hand and blowing her a kiss. “It’s just not worth arguing with Natalya.”

  “She’s not going to try to pick you something horrid, is she?” Clemmy wrinkled her nose.

  I swallowed my mouthful. “I don’t think so. Her family pride seems to outweigh her hatred of me. Just.”

  Clemmy snorted, and then giggled, and suddenly I was laughing too.

  “She sounds like a lot of fun,” Clemmy said as her chortles subsided.

  “Oh, a whole bunch.” I grimaced. “Just ignore anything she says, all right?”

  Clemmy bounced up and down. “Oh, she won’t bother me. Did you see that?” She pointed toward an intricate blown glass figurine glowing in swirls of amber and emerald.

  I pulled her down the street. “We can stop on our way back. There’s no time now.”

  She let me pull her along, gazing with wide eyes through the windows of the expensive mage shops. Despite my hurry, Natalya was waiting for us part way down the street, her arms crossed, and her foot tapping.

  I opened my mouth, but she cut me off before I could speak.

  “You’re a member of Devoras now. We don’t apologize.”

  I didn’t attempt to point out the illogic of this given her complaint about my tardy arrival, instead taking comfort in Clemmy’s suppressed giggle. She didn’t seem inclined to take Natalya too seriously.

  “You’re going to look amazing!” Clemmy crowed as she looked at the dresses in the window of the shop Natalya had chosen. “You should try on that one.” She pointed at an emerald green ball gown.

  “That’s not how this works,” Natalya said flatly, and pushed open the door.

  I smiled at Clemmy, to soften her words, but my efforts to muster any true enthusiasm felt false. Last year Finnian had made sure Lucas and I were a matching pair. This year I needed to blend into the wall. I had my instructions, and I had made m
y promise to Lorcan. I would do my best not to be noticed.

  The seamstress greeted Natalya with respect, and with a few words my Devoras sister managed to convey the entire situation. The woman instantly transformed, treating even commonborn Clemmy with the utmost respect.

  I must have looked a little bewildered because Natalya explained it in a bored voice as soon as the seamstress disappeared into the bowels of her shop.

  “She wants the prestige of dressing the Spoken Mage.” Her words carried the faintest hint of bitterness beneath the boredom.

  “Natalya, I don’t want to upstage anyone, I promise. I didn’t—”

  “Let me guess?” She cut me off. “You didn’t ask for any of this? Well, neither did I. And yet, here we are. You’re family now, whether I like it or not. And family matters to me. It matters to my father and my brothers. But that doesn’t mean we’re suddenly going to become friends. We’re here to do a job. Let’s get it done as fast as possible, and then we can be back about our separate ways.”

  Clemmy looked across from the other side of the room, her eyes wide, but to my surprise, I smiled. It was strange the familiar things that brought me comfort.

  Natalya looked at me suspiciously, so I tried to tone it down.

  “Fine by me,” I said. “I can promise I’ll never mean you any harm. And I’ll do my best not to disgrace your family. If you can say the same—” I paused and gave her a meaningful look, “and mean it—that’s more than enough for me.”

  Natalya looked at me for a long moment and then nodded once. “You’re family now. It doesn’t matter how I feel about you, I won’t work against you, if that’s what you’re worried about.” She gave a humorless laugh. “And it’s not as if it mattered which of us Lucas preferred in the end, did it?”

  I turned away, not wanting her to see the pain on my face. I believed her when she said she would never work against me again, and I didn’t think she had meant her final words to be hurtful. They had merely been a truthful reflection on our situation.

  Which, of course, was exactly what made them so painful.

  “Ignore her,” Clemmy whispered when I crossed the room to stand beside her. “She’s just jealous because you’re one of a kind.”

  I glanced across at Natalya. She had hated me from the first, and when I arrived at the Academy there was nothing about me that could have made her jealous. No, it was more complicated than that. And so much had changed since then. In so many ways we had both grown up. Being in a war tended to have that effect—I had never been the only one with nightmares.

  But I had become the Spoken Mage. And Lucas had moved far beyond her reach. It was entirely possible that being my sister would end up being the most notable thing about Natalya’s life. She would use that without hesitation. But she would also never forgive it.

  Her father had bought us an uneasy truce when he brought me into her family, and I would have to be content with that. I reached over and gave my true sister a squeeze. I didn’t need Natalya to like me when I had Clemmy.

  As soon as we had finished with the seamstress and made our final orders, Natalya hurried away. Clemmy and I turned back southward, and I tried to think what might cheer her up. She had been disappointed that I refused the bright materials she preferred, settling instead on a russet satin in a conservative design.

  “You know this is the first Midwinter I’ve had any money to buy gifts for my friends,” I said. “Would you like to help me choose some?”

  Clemmy whooped and grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the glass shop we had seen earlier.

  “So, I’ll take that as a yes?” I smiled.

  “Only if you help me choose something for Mother and Father in the markets afterward.” She grinned back at me, and I shook my head.

  “Let me guess, I’m going to be the one paying for it?”

  Clemmy’s grin widened. “Of course. You’re the mighty Devoras, right?” She winked at me while I groaned.

  I pulled her into a quick, sideways hug. “What would I do without you, Clemmy? You’ve always kept me anchored.”

  She hugged me back. “I love you, too, Elena. Whoever and whatever you are—as long as you pay for the presents because I’ve spent all the coin Mother gave me on berry pies at the market.”

  I laughed. “Thank you for such unswerving loyalty.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’ve got Jasper for that.”

  I swatted at her, but she danced away from me and into the store.

  I rose early on Midwinter morning so I could eat the morning meal with my family. My mother had insisted I bring Coralie along since her own family were home in Abalene, but I hadn’t held out much hope she would accept the invitation. Not when Finnian’s family were in the capital for the Midwinter ball.

  But to my surprise she accepted.

  “We already agreed to wait until graduation to meet our families,” she had said. “And Saffron’s mother didn’t come down. He thinks it will go better with his mother if his aunt is there as well.”

  She said it all quite matter-of-factly, but I could detect the lurking doubt behind her equanimity. This was what she had always feared—not being good enough to be welcomed into Finnian’s family.

  But she seemed nothing but cheerful on Midwinter morning, and my family’s small apartment shook with laughter and merriment. When we left to return to the Academy and prepare for the ball, she dragged Clemmy with us, much to my sister’s delight. And Jasper walked beside us as well, on his way back to the palace.

  “Not that I’m to attend the ball as a guest, of course,” he told me as we strolled along, our bellies too full for hurrying. “But there’s plenty to be done at the palace. I—”

  He cut himself off and glanced sideways at me.

  I raised an eyebrow. “That sounds awfully mysterious.”

  He smiled and shook his head. “Ask me about it tomorrow.”

  “Even more mysterious.”

  From everything he had said the few times we crossed paths at our family’s apartment, he seemed to be enjoying his role as a palace official. But a sadness lingered behind his cheerful front, and I noticed that he never spoke of Clara. I resolved that I would find a chance as soon as possible after Midwinter to take him out for a meal. I could hear his mysterious news and make him finally tell me what had happened between him and Clara when they graduated.

  He left us at the Academy gates, continuing on to the palace where he had a room. But Clemmy’s enthusiasm soon lifted my mood, carrying me through all the ball preparation.

  “I wish you were coming with us,” I told her when we finally stood ready, but she only shook her head.

  “What would I do at a ball full of mages? Our part of the city is going to have its own festivities, you know, and I’ll have far more fun there.”

  “Wisdom beyond your years,” I said, pinning her in a hug and kissing her on the head.

  But Coralie laughed at me. “You’re forgetting. It’s the young who always know where to find the best party.” She winked at Clemmy.

  “You know, I think you were right, Elena,” Clemmy said, ignoring us both. “I couldn’t understand why you wanted to pick boring brown for your dress, but it suits you. It’s got the same rich, almost golden tone that shows in your eyes. And the simple style makes you look…” She frowned, searching for the right word as both my sister and my friend surveyed me with narrowed eyes.

  “Rich and important,” Coralie supplied. “It makes you look rich and important. Everyone else will look overdressed by comparison.”

  “That wasn’t my intention,” I said, frowning at myself in the mirror. “I just liked the material.”

  “Well it likes you, too,” Coralie said with a cheeky grin. “Now hurry up, or we’re going to be late.”

  Chapter 9

  Inside the ballroom doors, looking over the room from the top of the four shallow stairs, I drew a deep breath. It was just as I remembered it. The white marble, the red velvet runner, the wine-red d
rapes over the long windows, the gold touches everywhere. I glanced up at the gold chandeliers that floated impossibly in the air above the dancers. I could feel the power that cushioned and held them in intricate detail that had escaped me last time I was here.

  Without instruction, my eyes flew to a set of long glass doors that I knew led out onto a quiet balcony. Or they had once done so, before it collapsed with me on it. I imagined the creators had rebuilt it since then, though. If I pushed past the drapes and escaped out into the cool night air, would Lucas follow me, as he had done then?

  But I knew better. Too much had changed.

  My eyes sought him out, standing next to his parents with Chen beside them. The Sekalis wore the same robes I had seen them in previously with the high collars and slits. But the embroidery at their throats and cuffs winked with expensive jewels.

  Our own royal family easily matched their magnificence, Queen Verena making up for her lack of height with the widest, most elaborate golden gown I had ever seen. It was a stark contrast to the slim, blood-red dress of her tall daughter beside her, both somehow looking more impressive for the contrast.

  Like his sister, Lucas was back in his red uniform, the gold sash across his chest and the gold circlet in his hair. Only his boots were black this year.

  I fisted my hands in my simple skirt. He wore the same haughty, distant look I remembered from first year. Then it had repelled me, whereas now it made me long to run to him and tuck my hand inside his—to remind him that there was one person, at least, who didn’t require him to wear a mask.

  But Coralie had already started down the stairs, and I followed behind her, obediently heading away from the royal family and the Sekali delegation. We found Finnian standing near one of the long food tables, but he didn’t seem to see me. He only had eyes for my friend, who had outdone herself in a flowing dress of the palest pink which perfectly set off her complexion.

  “Coralie,” he breathed, stepping forward, hands outstretched ready to pull her into his arms.

  She blushed and sidestepped.